14 August 2009

Cloud hangs over face melters as barmaid auctions secret book

DALARAN. A secret code of conduct for shadow priests governing how the dark brethren should behave while away from the monastery has been found by a barmaid in a Dalaran tavern.

The shocking guidelines are said to include advice on exploiting auction houses for profit, safe application of narcotics and sex toys, and basic triage in combat scenarios.

One section procured by this reporter describes the conditions under which it is acceptable to allow other adventurers to die. Of rogues, the chapter says: "don't even bandage the fuckers".

The Modern Shadow Priest Handbook was found abandoned in a dark corner of the salubrious Filthy Animal by Tiffany Gorehound, 23, barmaid and "part-time model".

"It was, like, just lying there," she confided. "I was curious because you don't get many people coming in here to read, if you know what I mean!"
She quickly realised the explosive — not to mention lucrative — nature of the material she found. "It's gonna go to the highest bidder!" she squealed.

If such a handbook exists, it could threaten the very foundations of shadow priesting, and would certainly strengthen calls for more transparency from Azeroth's far-reaching cabal of dark missionaries.
A spokesperson for the Cult of the Forgotten Shadow refused to comment, except to say "we are transparent enough already" and "we are interesting in talking to the blood elf Merlot in connection with our own investigations into this matter."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

So someone found your porn magazines again then ?

-dral

pugnaciouspriest said...

We must come up with a fiendish plan to gank the Barmaid before she sells the book to wow.com