The Zalazane ret con

Apparently I missed official blog rant day, but I've never let lack of official endorsement stop me before. Cataclysm spoilers ahead. Reader beware...

We learned today that the Darkspear Trolls chief Vol'jin is about to launch a final offensive on the Echo Isles, in an effort to retake his people's lost refuge from the traitor Zalazane. Which is odd, because I explicitly remember killing him. Repeatedly. Get this:

Over the years, members of the Horde looking to test their worth have braved the Echo Isles to confront Zalazane, and many of them have even returned victorious with his severed head. These victories, however, proved to be nothing more than an illusion created by the twisted witch doctor's dark magic. Days after these trophies were taken to Sen'jin Village, they reverted to their true forms: painted rocks and coconuts adorned with wooden tusks, or even the heads of Zalazane's enslaved trolls.

ORLY? Do you know how many times I died killing that piece of shit? Have you any concept of the time I lost on that agonising corpse run? Many before we got that ghost speed boost. That is one miserable corpse run. Those bastard trolls heal, and they run away at the slightest scratch, like a SPLINTER. Gadrin told me he was dead. He did not say I might have killed a coconut by mistake. Not once, not even after four years of failed adventurers bringing him creepy painted stones did he think to warn me the guys was a bit tricky. Thanks a BUNCH Blizzard.

No wonder those idiot trolls lost their island. It's not even a very big island.

Don't even get me started on Thermaplugg, the big dumb FAKE boss.

Goddess

Queen Lana'thel. She's a blood elf. And a queen. And a vampire. Sorry, vampyr.

Have you seen her abilities? Vampiric bite, essence of the vampyr queen, shroud of sorrow. You might as well add "immune to shadow priests", we're all going to be too busy gasping in awe and reverence.

Do you think it's possible to defect to the Scourge? Does Arthas accept living recruits?

Are murlocs misunderstood?

Once upon a time, as a young night elf druid, I set off to explore the darkshore coastline. The first humanoids I encountered were strange, greenish creatures loitering around the washed-up shell of a giant dead turtle. They looked scruffy and bored, like teenagers. I ambled up to one and gave it a sniff. It let out an ungodly scream and charged me. From out of nowhere, a second psychotic urchin careened toward me on its bandy legs, wailing and frothing at the mouth. I fought off the first attacker bravely, but it fled in panic and came stampeding back with reinforcements. There was an outcry of gurgling, like a dozen vampires gargling blood, before the colour faded and I found myself face to face with the spirit healer. I had discovered murlocs.

The murderous little bastards encroach all over Azeroth at various levels to prove themselves the most diabolical of all WoW's villains. The combination of wide, arcing patrols, close clustering, and a propensity to run at relatively high health is deadly. No wonder they are so frequently despised.

It therefore came as a great surprise to me several levels (and characters) later when I was asked by the shattered sun offensive to set them free of naga enslavement (via the quest, disrupt the greengill coast). What? Were they insane? Release murlocs into the wild?

Honestly, I won't even pretend to understand the lore here. Naga and murlocs have always been the same side of the evil-fish-monster coin to me. But possibly there's a bit more too it than that. Something to do with the Maelstrom? Who knows. But if they have been enslaved by mutated elves, might that explain their slight ambivalence toward unannounced company? Could it be that I had misjudged murlocs for all this time?

Well, we are about to find out. Wrath will introduce a murloc faction and we will finally get to interact with them at a level beyond mere combat. I dare say it will involve slaying some other faction of murloc, so there will be something for everyone in this relationship.

Which leads nicely to the latest misery poll — where do you stand on the murloc issue? Are you running scared or jumping with joy? Murlocs: good or bad? Go! Vote now!

The meaning of life

Are you the roleplaying type? I didn't think I was. I picked quests based on how easy they were to finish or the rewards I earned and went about my business with a jolly, egalitarian gusto. I dismissed my magic addiction and decided not to ask why I was on a different side to the night elves, focusing instead on my superior fashion sense. When your main goal is levelling, questions or lore and existence are easily overlooked. But the longer I spend at 70, the harder it is to ignore the historical and political context of the game or the rich back story.

My first real angst hit a couple of weeks ago when I decided to switch allegiance from scryer to aldor. The scryers are blood elves, horde; how could I slope off in the middle of the night and join those funny draenei folk? For the shoulder inscription, of course, and the auchenai staff. And you know, killing demons for insignias is a lot more palatable than killing other blood elves, even if they are on the wrong side. So that's how I chose to justify it. That doesn't mean the decision hasn't left a bad taste in my mouth and I'll be glad to set off for Northrend when the expansion lands.

Questions of loyalty are nothing compared to my current existential crisis. As a shadow priest, I choose the power of shadow magic at the exclusion of holy magic. Or to put it another way, I chose shadow over light. If I was to get philosophical about this (and after a few glasses of red wine I'm liable to), it's hard not to see a priest's talent choices in terms of good and evil. There is a clear correlation in the game between holy magic and the 'light' — which, in the absence of any clear deities, is as close to religion as the game gets. Well, we're priests after all. But what does it mean to turn from the light to darkness? Have I, as the language implies, turned from good to evil?

I don't see any other classes struggling with matters of life and death. I mean, what does a druid or a hunter have to worry about compared to a magic-addicted defrocked priest facing an eternity of damnation?

You see? It's a slippery slope, this game. If you're not careful, before long you'll be writing custom emotes and taking confession from those tree-felling orc shammies.