14 May 2009

Washed-up priest walks out on Argent contest

The Argent Tournament grounds were plunged into turmoil yesterday when a blood elf threw down his lance and refused to joust.

The pouting priest accused the faction champions of being "stoopid" and "bugged to all hell" before skulking out of the arena in search of kittens to kick.

A tournament squire gleefully recounted the priest's final fateful joust:

"He looked just like all the other champions when he mounted the turkey. He strutted over to the draenei and slapped one across the face. Bit girly I thought, but I've seen worse. But man, I don't know what he thought he was doing after that. I saw him toss a couple of shield breakers, but the draenei dude always got the first charge in. Half the time, the priest was facing the wrong way."

"I think he's a key turner," another observer whispered.

The priest, known to locals as Merlot, was eventually tracked down to Dalaran's Filthy Animal, where he was seen singing bawdy verses and flirting with the orc bouncers.

"They're all cheats," he blurted in-between hiccups. "They don't lag, they don't need to shield break and they're always facing the right way. S'not natural."

The mention of cheating drew jeers from some of the inn's more burly patrons. A half-masticated drumstick hit the priest square on the jaw spinning him round.

"S'not right," he slurred. "I's a mace felter not a lapadin. Where's the magic turna... tour... ment thingy huh?"

He passed out, leaving the unanswered question hanging in the air.

Horde bookmakers have since raises their odds on the priest ever completing the tournament quest line.


TKC said...

Between hiccups? Maybe that is not game lag but beer lag. It gets me everytime too.

PS: nuthin wrong with keyboard turning. L2strafe!

kyrilean said...

LMAO! Sorry man. I feel your pain!

SolidState said...

To easily beat a champion, find a friend (or if you're lucky a random player :)) willing to help you out for a few minutes. DPS spec preferred.

Party up and head on to the Tournament. You need to be on your charger and wielding your lance, your team mate should be on foot and with his/her DPS gear on.

As always, put on 3 shields before challenging a champion and keep them up during the fight. Once you talk to the champion, all you have to do is stay close - ride after him when he tries to open the distance, while throwing a shield breaker if you have a chance - i.e. as soon as the champion starts to open distance and just before you ride after him to close the distance again so he cannot charge you.

Meanwhile, your DPS friend should be DPSing the champion like crazy. Soon enough the champion should be beaten. Now rinse and repeat for the others :)