The crushing headaches, nausea, itching and insomnia lasted about a week, but the shaking continued unabated till Sunday. Writing was difficult and handling a keyboard was forbidden. Thankfully, I was spared the constipation. WoW withdrawal, I discovered, is not to be sniffed at.
It started two weeks ago when I left the country on business. I begged, pleaded, lied and bribed to get out of it and still failed. Then there was the family birthday I couldn't get out of. Two weeks in all. Like an orc warrior facing his enemy, I thought I was invincible, but it turns out Illidan was right — I really wasn't prepared.
Day one wasn't so bad. I opened my trusty notebook on the plane and made a few notes for the blog. By the time I arrived at the hotel, my hands were a bit restless and I was humming the loading theme: no biggy.
At work the next day I tried to mouse over a few people to see their level and class. Once or twice I appeared to lag in meetings. I felt pretty rough and decided to get an early night.
I dreamed I was fighting a crowd of angry hockey moms trying to snag the last known copy of Wrath in existence. Needless to say they were all rogues. I woke up in a cold sweat and struggled to get back to sleep.
The rest of the trip is a blur. I was near-comatose on painkillers and kept lapsing into hallucinations. At night, I watched infomercials and the Food Network. I discovered something called a Snuggie, which is apparently a blanket with sleeves. I realised it would be the perfect solution to keeping warm while raiding. The burgundy is rather clerical and I resolved to learn the pattern when I was feeling better.
Then it was time to come home and catch up with my family. Sadly, every last one of them is a soulless husk of flesh with no knowledge of the wonders of WoW. They barely own computers. I pity them.
I was consoled only by copious amounts of alcohol, which luckily my family knows lots about. It's not a super mana potion, but vodka has several redeeming qualities. If you mix it with tomato juice and squint, it almost looks like a health pot.
Or at least, that's what I told myself as I approached day twelve of my cold-turkey hell. At this point I was quite hysterical.
By the time I made it home, I was 12 pounds lighter and a good deal smellier. I had red eyes and a beard and I wanted to die.
My doctor thinks I was on the cusp of a breakthrough. Sadly, we'll never know. I threw myself upon the mercy of my laptop and dived gratefully into the womb-like warmth of Azeroth vowing never to leave home without it again.
I'm so far behind on priest changes now it's not funny — but you guys all know more than me anyway, so I don't feel too bad. And what you miss out on in class developments, you gain in handy computing accessories like the Snuggie. Aren't you glad you dropped by now?
22 hours ago